Members of the Midnight Society rarely told stories which overlapped with one another, but it seemed that Sardó, an effeminate shop owner with scrupulous taste in vests, struck a chord with the denim-clad children. “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” ran on Nickelodeon’s SNICK from 1992 to 1996 (yes, I’m willfully ignoring the reboot), during which Sardó appeared in six mesmerizing episodes. According to Gary, Sardó and his store offered the perfect backdrop for a camp-fire tale. After all, the guy was entirely aloof to the fact that he was peddling real black magic to unwitting kids…

What is hopefully the first in a long tradition of hard-hitting critical comparison articles, join us in pitting two of our favorite time-displaced pal’s against each other. Sure, we could’ve done an in-depth analysis of the repercussions these two discoveries would’ve had on the scientific community, but in the end we just wanted to know who would make a better friend… a dinosaur who can shred or a caveman with great dance moves?

When I was 10 years old I beat other kids up. This didn’t happen under an oak tree after sixth-period, if I ever made an arrangement like that I’d most certainly not be alive to tell the tale. No, this took place in a much more unpleasant setting, with pits of spikes and pools of acid.

It was 3:30 and I was over at my friend Jamie’s house. He had all the essentials for the perfect after school hang-out: Sega Genesis, two controllers, RF adapter, and Tostino’s pizza rolls (complete with a mother to cook them)…