Every once in a while a movie comes along that sweeps the nation in a perfect storm of pop culture and merchandising. To some this is nothing more than the studios using in-your-face marketing tactics to suck every last dime out of your wallet. For me it’s about finding a way to keep the experience alive long after the movie is over.

Batman had always been my lifelong hero. I was a comic book connoisseur from the day I was born and followed his adventures religiously. The movie landscape was much different in 1989 – superheroes were still a small underground niche and not the Hollywood juggernauts they’ve become today. It took a real effort to seek out your heroes and find ways to experience them in other mediums. At the time I was forced to ingest every campy Adam West rerun I could find just to get my onscreen Dark Knight fix. Then the world was changed forever. Then came Tim Burton’s Batman.

I counted down the days to the release. How would Mr. Mom do as Bruce Wayne? Would they light the Bat signal? Where was Robin? My mind was full of questions and speculations. Then word got out that the movie was dark. Frank Miller dark. My parents decided to see the film before me to deem if it was appropriate for my young and developing mind. “You’re not quite ready for it,” my mother’s choice words echoed through my ears. How in the world would I, one of the biggest Bat-fans on the planet, ever experience the zenith of my Caped Crusader’s film career? Merchandising!

CEREAL: The black box and bat crest stood out like a sore thumb in the sea of colorful, vibrant, cartoon-ridden cereals. It basically tasted like a poor man’s Captain Crunch and would shred the roof of your mouth. One day, my mom forced me to eat a bagel when I showed her that the cereal had given me the ability to spit blood. Regardless, this is what Batman wanted me to eat, so I was going to eat it. Best of all, a plastic Batman bank came with almost every box. Easily the safest way to guard your allowance from clown faced psychopaths and little sisters.

ACTION FIGURES: I had them all. Batman, Joker, and… um, Bob the Goon. The vehicles were also amazing. The Batmobile could split apart and came with a hollow plastic “shield layer” to protect it from car thieves and vandals. The Batwing shot missiles and had a trigger controlled claw to clasp poisonous balloon floats and your friends nipples. I even had the Batcave which allowed you to reenact (what I imagined were) the most action packed scenes from the movie. Mostly just having Batman hang upside down from gravity boots and watch TV (okay, the Batcave kind of sucked.)

PRINCE SOUNDTRACK: Apparently Warner Brothers forced Tim Burton to place music from Prince into the film. This was right before Prince used to write slave on his face while trying to break his contract with Warners. Go figure. I instantly fell in love with the movie inspired concept album, though most of the sexual innuendos and pop-funk subtleties were lost on my six-year-old self. Partyman, Scandalous, and especially Batdance became my Summer anthems. My babysitter even allowed me to watch the music video on MTV which featured a bunch of Jokers and Batmen having a dance off with Prince literally stuck in the middle (he was a weird schizophrenic amalgamation of the two or something.)

TRADING CARDS: With the trading cards I was able to piece together the major beats and plot points of the film. Creatively I used my brain to put the film together scene by scene…and that’s when it hit me. If I wasn’t allowed to see the movie I would simply recreate it. I would put on my own production of Batman for the entire neighborhood to watch and I would perform the meatiest role of all, the Joker.

THE PLAY: Thanks to Batmania, I found it easy to assemble my own neighborhood theater troupe. Of course one of the older kids had issues with my casting ideas and he threatened to beat me up if I didn’t let him portray the clown prince of crime. I was then demoted to pulling double duty on the two shittiest roles in the film, Boss Grissom (heavy breathing***You’re my***heavy breathing***number one***heavy breathing***guy) and the whiny reporter played by Arli$$. Disappointed with my new onstage personas, I took a more active role in the direction of the play. Here I found my true calling; working with actors, pacing the action and choreography. Basically I was directing the show. The play went off without a hitch. We had a twenty minute first act followed by a Prince dance routine/intermission, and then ended the show with a climactic stage battle to the death (the eleven-year-old Joker would jump off my deck recreating his tragic end.) We played two shows and received a standing ovation both times. I was able to take the joy I received from Batman and use it to create a shared experience with my friends and local community.

Months later when it came out on video, my mother finally decided I was mature enough to see it (I don’t know how mothers gauge these things, perhaps she measured my growth by my  new found leadership skills.) The movie was everything I wanted it to be and more. Because of my waiting I was able to turn a simple movie into something that surrounded and engulfed my life. I lived Batman for an entire summer and no film in the world would ever take its place. Well, that was until the next year when my friend uttered the following: “Have you heard about this new movie coming out this summer? It’s called Dick Tracy and it looks super rad. We should buy the t-shirts.”

CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE TIMECAPSL FLIKR PAGE TO SEE MORE OF JORDAN’S SUMMER OF ‘89 BATMAN PHOTOS AND WITH THE OPTION TO ADD YOUR OWN PICTURES TO THE COLLECTION AS WELL. (COMING SOON…)

The Copper Kid was a character on the cartoon Silverhawks. He was a mathematical genius from the planet of the Mimes who the Silverhawks kept as an extra-terrestrial mascot / pet. The Copper Kid spoke in calculated whistles and tones, kind of like the aliens in Close Encounters but a lot less adorable. The other human Silverhawks used to tease the non-terran by making him participate in endless astronomy lessons under the false pretenses that one day he’d be one of the team and take over Miraj piloting duties from his honky-ass mentor Bluegrass. Frisbee proved to be the only solace to the Copper Kid during his demeaning tenure under the Silverhawks tutelage.

After finally wising up and leaving the Silverhawks, the Copper Kid was thrust down a spiraling self-destructive road that so many 80’s animated child-mascots had found themselves on before. After shaking off a healthy addiction to huffing paint thinner, the Copper Kid is now two years sober and living with the former Thundercat, WileyKit, in a halfway house in Hoboken. The two of them are available for autograph conventions and public appearances as long they don’t conflict with their parole limitations.

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Reasons that I believe Murdoc is God:

1. He never dies.
2. Even Macgyver can’t kill him.
3. He is a master of disguise.
4. He takes photos of his victims at the exact moment of death.
5. Anytime you think he is dead, he is not.
6. He is great with a flame thrower.
7. He is all knowing.
8. He is an expert piano player.

Here is the proof:

MacGyver Season 2 Episode 18 – “Partners”
Murdoc’s death(s): blown up in house, blown up in truck.

MacGyver Season 3 Episode 08 – “The Widowmaker”
Murdoc’s death: falling off a mountain.

MacGyver Season 4 Episode 09 – “Cleo Rocks”
Murdoc’s death: electrocution, drowning.

MacGyver Season 5 Episode 06 – “Halloween Knights”
Murdoc’s death: blown up by a grenade.

MacGyver Season 6 Episode 19 – “Strictly Business”
Murdoc’s death: crushed by boulders, falling into mine shaft.

MacGyver Season 7 Episode 03 – “Obsessed”
Murdoc’s death: driving a car off a cliff.

IS MURDOC GOD?  What do you think?

While the Mickey Mouse club was far superior in comedy and singing talent, Kids Incorporated did heavily promote the trend of the side-ponytail. I recall Britney and Christina attempting it, but little Filipino girls do not identify with girls baring blond hair, blue eyes, and fair skin. The more culturally diverse Kids Inc. was always the more appealing of the two shows and inspired my choice in playground hair styling.

Kids Incorporated may have emulated The Mickey Mouse club from 1984-1993, but my hair’s allegiance was to the former. The side-ponytail ruled the trends in girls from ages 5-15 years during 1989-1991. Variations include full side-ponytail, half-up half-down side ponytail, and side bun with color coordinated scrunchy.

With a smaller cast and always at least one child of color, Kids Inc. allowed you to get to know and grow alongside their players. While MMC had a consistently rotating cast of white, upper middle class children who’s parents could afford to travel to Orlando and Hollywood to have their children audition for these opportunities.

Lest we forget Ms. Stacy Ferguson (now pop singer, Fergie) and a certain Party of Fiver, Ms. Hewitt (went by “Love Hewitt” at the time) both came out of the beloved show.  Hewitt’s name being synonymous with adoration, infatuation, and worship, it was hard for little girls to not want to emulate her. In 2009, we sadly cannot say the same for her as she is currently dating Jamie Kennedy and starring in the CBS show, “Ghost Whisperer.”

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"That's Sardó. No mister - accent on the dó."

Members of the Midnight Society rarely told stories which overlapped with one another, but it seemed that Sardó, an effeminate shop owner with scrupulous taste in vests, struck a chord with the denim-clad children. “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” ran on Nickelodeon’s SNICK from 1992 to 1996 (yes, I’m willfully ignoring the reboot), during which Sardó appeared in six mesmerizing episodes.  According to Gary, Sardó and his store offered the perfect backdrop for a camp-fire tale. After all, the guy was entirely aloof to the fact that he was peddling real black magic to unwitting kids.

Recent economic woes have not been kind to small businesses, forcing many owners to make hard decisions about the future of their enterprise. Sardó’s store of trinkets and eclectic (cursed) items was no exception.  After a particularly harsh holiday season, bankruptcy befell Sardó’s Magic Mansion.  To the dismay of Canadian children everywhere (especially those in need of learning moral lessons the hard way), Sardó was forced to close his doors on January 20th of 2009.

Since closing the shop, Sardó has been tuning pianos in the Quebec area.  Little is known of the whereabouts of the store’s paranormal products, but if his eBay page is any indication, kids all over the globe are at risk of being stuck in another dimension…or at least inside a mirror.

"Tiny Door - MINT - May Lead to Alternate Universe - AS IS"

In my experience, instruction manuals for NES games weren’t always available – they were more of a luxury than a nessecity.  Whether I bought used games at the local VHS rental center or got them at garage sales, the box and manual most likely were not included.  Sometimes, not having the instruction manual to a Nintendo game could be fun and somewhat adventurous – you have to get a feel for the game yourself, and when you finally figure it out and get past that pesky boss or troubling level, you can feel like you’ve really accomplished something.  For Yo! Noid this was certainly not the case, because it was unlike any other Nintendo game I can remember playing.

So picture this (keeping in mind that the internet wasn’t there to have my back with information on such a kooky game):  I’m probably 10 years old, and I’m really excited to come across a new game I’d never heard of.  It’s a few years after Noid commercials have ceased, so I only know who this bizzaro red character is because my older sister clued me in to the fact that he had something to do with pizza.  He kind of resembles a rabbit with his long ears, but has that creepy puppet face of something I would have seen off of the fantasy half-world of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.  So needless to say, I’m PUMPED to play this game, and what-do-you-know? I fire up the NES and my character flies out of the sky weilding a yo-yo.

Ohhhhh, this helps

The first level is straightforward enough – you’re on some sort of docks creaming bad guys with the yo-yo; Noid’s leaping abilities leave something to be desired, but it’s nothing a Super Pit Fall player hasn’t dealt with.  You finish the level, collect your bonus points for extra time, and WHAT’S THIS?  Some sort of pizza-eating-card-strategy game?  And it’s against another (yet different-colored) Noid? This makes absolutely no sense, but it looks awesome.  Turns out these Pizza Eating Contests are after every other level, involve strategy and a gameplan (especially in the later stages) and can be quite infuriating.  If you lose one of these Pizza challenges you get sent back to the beginning of the corresponding level and any progress you made in that level is lost.  Prior to Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh! and all those other things I don’t understand, this aspect of the game was pretty ahead of its time.

Navigating through the gameplay levels is pretty difficult – one hit from an enemy and the Noid dies, so perfection is the name of the game here.  Some levels Noid gets a skateboard, and others he has a helicopter.  There are scrolls strewn about the levels that add up to certain kinds of magic spells that come into play in later levels.  Since there are no ways to save your progress, you have to learn to ride the helicopter on the fly or else you’ll quickly find yourself back at the docks in level 1.  I never had the perseverance to get past level 12 or so (I’ve recently found out there are 14 stages – turns out the internet is useful) but I still consider this one of my all-time favorites.  After reading up on the game and finally learning some real tips and tricks, I plan to revisit and finish what I started.  I just found out that the final boss is a pizza eating contest.

Rockapella was the house band to the popular kid’s gameshow Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego, which in turn was based off the edu-taining computer game series of the same name. Rockapella would dare to blend modern rock and roll with classic acapella, creating a textured, polyphonic background score to the adolescent Jewish and Indian children answering geographical trivia questions. Besides singing the incessantly catchy theme song, Rockapella served double duty by also acting out many of the various clue serving comedic sketches.

Irony is not lost on the fact that Rockapella have completely vanished from the public eye since completing their five seasons on the show. After years of thorough investigations on the matter, the ACME Chief herself declared their disappearance a “cold case.” As of 2009 there have been several eye witness reports of gangs of homeless vagrants, every so often emerging from their makeshift hovels made out of old World National Geographic Magazines and singing in harmonic unison for spare change. One such vagabond was heard screaming to himself: “Do it, Rockapella!” Before stepping off the subway platform in front of a moving train and joining that great glee club in the sky.

Years ago, in an moment of reality T.V. foresight, TYCO produced an incredible franchise of five tiny identical dolls called “Quints.” Quints looked two months old but had about ten years of hair. Seriously, it was out of control, but incredibly fun to style. Each doll also had it’s own special color that coordinated across the Quints’ “Special-for-5 House.” I’m still not sure why Jon and Kate designed their own mansion when TYCO built the model for a “multiples dream house” 15 years ago. Seriously, TYCO, you could have saved a marriage. In addition, I always pretended that Quints were Barbie’s babies; which makes sense considering Ken’s lack of a penis.  Everyone knows Barbie is a desperate bitch, eager to try any career, hobby, or vacation spot. Why wouldn’t she turn to artificial insemination when Ken shot her blanks, I mean, had no gun at all?

By Jeff Rosenberg

Growing up with two older sisters, I spent my young childhood amidst a constant struggle for gender superiority. Whether it was me being dragged to a New Kids on the Block concert as our group Chanukah present in 1988 or my parents getting my sisters back with a shared Sega Genesis the following winter, there were cataclysmic results whenever our two worlds collided. They had their things, I had mine and little was shared between the two. We fought for everything from cereal choice to radio stations. Nothing however, was a bigger struggle than the ever-elusive remote control. We both wanted to pick what we watched at all times and refused to back down. I wanted Thundercats; they wanted Punky Brewster.

So imagine my shock and dismay, the first time I ever heard the loud aggressive screams of my older sisters watching wrestling. You know that wrestling scream; it’s unavoidable, like no other sound in the world and not meant to come from the mouths of young girls. As an avid follower of Superfly Jimmy Snuka and Jake the Snake, I was a wrestling nut like every other suburban prepubescent male in the late-80’s. I owned hundreds of wrestling toys and could recite the line-ups of every pay-per-view event from SummerSlam to Wrestlemania. That said, never in my wildest dreams did I expect my sisters to share in my love nor did I want them to. I had wrestling; they had Rainbow Brite. This was a problem and it had to be stopped.

As I turned the corner into the TV room however, I couldn’t have ever imagined what I actually saw that day. Take a look for yourself:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Someone, somewhere had decided that a wrestling league needed to be developed that featured Woman wrestling (and rapping) and my sisters were obsessed. 

The “show” ultimately was less wrestling and more ridiculous storylines, the worst of which involved one woman ripping another woman’s arm off and giving it back to her the following week as a present.  The quality of the program didn’t matter however, my sisters were making me question my love for the manliest of manly things – wrestling. This show was slowly ruining my life.

Thankfully, Milli Vanilli become all the rage soon after and my sisters quickly forgot this aberration into my world of wrestling and childhood bravado. The show was cancelled, American Gladiators came out and everything was once again right in the gender-defined Rosenberg household.

By the time the late 80’s rolled around, skateboarding, surfing and other “alternative” lifestyle activities had had a few years to thrive in Southern California cities and were beginning to permeate the suburbs and mainstream culture.  By 1988, Nintendo (like in all other aspects of tweenlife) had a big hand in this – and the following three NES games are great examples.

Also around this time, gaming companies started to discover additional revenue streams by allowing clothing and general culture brands to advertise within the actual video games. The alternative gaming community was a perfect fit for these licensing deals because it allowed for SoCal fringe brands like Ocean Pacific and Oakley to get their name out to a wider audience, while also adding authenticity to the video games. The first cartridge of this type that transcended gamer culture was 1987’s Skate or Die:

Skate or Die

Skate or Die’s main premise borrowed from the overriding ethos of the skating community: build up your chops to prove to everyone in your neighborhood that you aren’t a poseur (it even contains a character named Poseur Pete who challenges beginners to skate duels.)  Konami and Ultra Games were able to take a tongue in cheek approach to the “Locals Only” attitude and turn it into the plotline of this NES classic.  Looking back, some of the gameplay is a little archaic but it really set the precedent for skating video games.

Another game in the same category (who owed a lot of its functionality and features to Skate or Die) was T&C Surf Design:

T&C Surf Design: Wood and Water Rage

If 8-bit skateboarding wasn’t enough for you in 1988, LJN, Ltd. had your back.  They put out their alternative sports game that combined the skating elements of Skate or Die with surfing. Released to overall mixed reviews, this game is one of my all-time personal favorites. Fully licensed by the Hawaiian Town & Country Surf company this game was both fun to play and challenging. The game featured four of T&C’s characters: Joe Cool, Tiki Man, Kool Kat, and Thrilla Gorilla. Both aspects of gameplay were a left-to-right scrolling obstacle course of sorts. A lot of my friends lacked the patience to figure out the surfing portion, but my due-diligence and massive amounts of free time allowed me to get the surfing down to a science (I believe the key was holding down left D-pad.) There is definitely something to cutting waves with a fat-ass gorilla.

California Games

Another one of my favorite NES games.  This one had a Olympic sort of feel, featuring seven different alt sporting events.  The different competitions ranged from the usual alternative fare of skating, surfing, and BMX (this was awesome) to more patchouli smelling events like “footbag” and “flying disc.”  The highlight of this game is the rare diving catch in the frisbee event (or also the funnier version of the diving catch – the “ol’ dive too early and when the camera pans along with the frisbee your reciever is laying on the ground with both feet in the air.”)  This game was a lot of fun to compete with friends and was what sleepovers were made for.

I can’t say that these games are a big reason for the popularity of extreme sports today, but there may be a couple  X-Games participants who got their starts with one of these three – but I guess the rest of us really are just poseurs.