Lives hung in the balance. One misdiagnosis, one wrongly stitched suture, one sloppy incision, and their deaths would be on my hands. For one year, every Tuesday, fifth period at 3:00 p.m., I got to play God. Or at least a black and white pixelated version of myself named Dr. Bigballs did.

Growing up in the early 90’s in a pre nu-mac and Windows95 world, computer class always seemed like a waste of our school’s budget. By the time I got to the 6th grade, I was able to see through the thinly veiled teaching devices that disguised learning with half-assed gaming. Number Munchers, Reader Rabbit, hell, even after three years The Oregon Trail began to feel tired and familiar like a road all too well traveled. Then came Life & Death.

The surgical simulator cast you as resident abdominal surgeon at the prestigious Toolworks General Hospital. Here you would diagnose, treat and then operate on the sick and suffering. The game was incredibly detailed. Forget to wash your hands before the operation? You’re screwed. Forget to remove a clamp before sewing up your patient? You’re screwed. Needless to say, the game was hard as shit, usually resulting in an end screen with your patient toe-tagged on a stretcher.

While I took my 8-bit Hippocratic oath seriously my peers would find ways to exploit the realistic freedoms that were given in the game. They would use the mouse to cop feels to the point where the patient would question their credentials, as a hand icon molested their genitals. Others would use the scalpel to carve their names into the chests of their patients, hoping to get the last letter in before they bled out. Like most doctors we became numb to the reality of the death around us.

The following year in computer class, our dated Macintoshes were replaced with PCs. Our old tired games disappeared along with them, as did my dreams of becoming chief surgeon. I read that a sequel, Life & Death II: The Brain, was released sometime in the mid 90s. I’m sure copies are floating around $10 bins in a CompUSA near you. A modern version of the game has been rumored to be circling for quite a while. Maybe it’s time Dr. Bigballs came out of retirement and stopped writing blog posts, and started saving some damn lives.